A Pakistani wedding shares many of the same rituals as Gujarati and Bengali weddings (such as a Mehndi night and Baraat) but is also unique in it's own way. The nuptials are a family event, with the parents and elders of the bride and groom involved in uniting the pair from the opening discussions to the Walima, which marks the end of the marriage ceremony.
1. Initial Meetings
Whether it’s an arranged marriage or a love match, the prospective groom and his family will always approach the bride and her relatives first at a primary meeting.
The groom's parents will propose on behalf of their son and bring sweets and gifts for their future daughter-in-law. The bride's parents must give their word that they honestly accept the proposal, also known as zabaan. This is as a sign of good faith and to ensure neither party will back out if a better prospect comes along - something that was common in times past.
2. The Engagement Party
Once the proposal of marriage is agreed by all, the bride’s and groom’s families will come together to throw a joint engagement party.
It's at this point that the groom will formally ask for the bride's hand and present her with a spectacular ring. Prayers and blessings will be read and an elaborate engagement cake will be cut before everyone tucks into a delicious catered banquet or homemade meal.
The families will also decide on a date for the wedding and Nikkah, usually on the same day, and the planning can truly begin.
3. Entrance
On the day of the wedding, the bride and her family will arrive at the venue early to give her enough time to get ready and settle into her room, which will be separate from the hall or wedding space.
Meanwhile her family will wait at the entrance to greet the groom with garlands of fresh flowers or tinsel. Years ago, it was the custom to drape haars of cash around the groom’s neck as gifts but it’s very rare these days.
4. The Bridal Nikkah
Away from the wedding hall in a separate room, the bride sits with the imam (priest) for her Nikkah ceremony.
The imam ensures that the bride understands the marriage contract which is similar to a registry document, with the couple’s names, their date of birth and various Arabic passages.
There must be at least two witnesses present at the bridal Nikkah - generally her father and another elder, sometimes her new father-in-law - but these days it’s common for family and close relatives to also attend.
The groom will also offer a financial dowry as security for the bride.
The imam then leaves to conduct the groom’s nikkah in the main wedding hall.
5. The Groom’s Nikkah
As the bride must complete her Nikkah first, the groom has plenty of time to make his entrance to the wedding hall. When the imam arrives and the witnesses are present, verses from the Qur’an are read and the groom must agree to the contract by declaring ‘I accept’ or ‘qubool hai’ three times. It’s nerve wracking as the groom must declare his intent in front of the gathered congregation.
6. The Bridal Entrance
Now the couple are officially married, the bride makes her way to the hall accompanied by her immediate family as she walks towards her new husband. Sometimes the bride is veiled when she sits next to the groom so that he can unveil her in a ritual called Munh Dikhai before they feed each other mithai.
7. The D’ua prayers
Now the bride and groom are officially husband and wife, the imam leads the couples their families and the wedding guests in prayers calling for a happy and long marriage. It’s a very solemn and spiritual part of the day as the everyone bows their heads to ask Allah to bless the new union with health, happiness and fertility. D’uas are also said to fortify the couple’s faith as they start their new lives together.
8. Wedding Banquet
Dates, sugared almonds and sugar crystals are given to guests or placed on tables in the reception hall as a thank you from the newlyweds. The food is typically rich Pakistani cuisine including traditional curries, biryani and meat - vegetarian food is a rarity! There’s also a multi-tiered cake that the couple will cut once dinner is over. Depending on the religious beliefs of the couple, there may be dancing and music but orthodox Muslims will have Nasheed, religious hymns, playing during the feast.
9. Rukhsati
As the wedding winds down, it’s time for the groom and his family to leave with the bride. The newlyweds hug and bid farewell to their guests and the groom generally leaves with his family first to give the bride time to say goodbye to her family. The Qur'an is held over the bride's head as she walks from the stage to the exit in order to bless and protect her. This is a solemn moment for the bride's parents as it marks the departure of their daughter from their home. Naturally the bride becomes a very emotional scene as she says goodbye to the home of her parents and siblings to start a new married life.
10. The Walima
The Walima, celebrated a few days after the bride has been welcomed into her new household, is a huge party on a similar scale to the Big Day. It’s held at an lavish venue, and caterers, entertainment and décor companies are booked to ensure the celebration is as extravagant, if not more so, than the wedding day. Where the bride and her family traditionally finance and organise the wedding day and Nikkah, it’s the groom’s responsibility to co-ordinate the Walima. However these days both families will split the cost of all the events and have an equal say in the style of each ceremony. Guests will take pictures with the newlyweds, who will be dressed to the nines in western suits and dresses or Asian party wear and accessories.
The maklava follows after the Walima and sees the couple return to her bridal home to visit her parents.
Photos by: Pioneer Weddings • +44(0)794 4507 071• www.pioneerweddings.co.uk